You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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