Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
