I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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