you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
