I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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