There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
