can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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