New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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