You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
ok first of all what the fuck
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize