I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
