tell your sister to shave her snatch
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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