just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
