bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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