You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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