I must be too annoying 4 u.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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