the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
