party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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