Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
