Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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