cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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