and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
