I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
