so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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