I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
