So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
