the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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