I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
