There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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