Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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