God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
