her vagine was all disorganized.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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