I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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