Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
