i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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