is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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