thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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