So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Randomize
