like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
