guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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