Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
