Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
