You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
