just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
