i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize