Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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