shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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