if only i could text you this smell
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
