I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
