Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
