I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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