Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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