Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
