how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
