The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize