quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
