I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
