my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
