I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
