I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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