lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
