you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were trust falling into bushes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
