Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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