getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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